tried to kill myself just now.
by suffocating or depriving my muscles
from oxygen.
a rather stupid way of suicide.
jogging around Bishan Park like a mad ass.
in such cold weather.
i thought i'd die soon.
but it was a silly thought.


was kinda crestfallen the day before.
which was yesterday.
[besides the fact that I PASSED A. MATHS!!!]
yah.
the depressing thought of it still lingers.
the moment it came to me, i stopped all
processes and went to bed.


this was a different case.
not any normal case of my mood swing.
there was a trigger.
not local but foreign.
it wasnt triggered by my own foolishness.
instead, it was a viral infection entrusted
through visual means.


the virus, was a set of words which
was the main cause for this fall.
infection; because the phrase kept
ringing in my head and
haunted me in bed.
entrusted; because that virus was
meant to be something that could help
me in one way or another.
visual means meant that the words were
seen, not heard.


and so i pushed it aside, thinking it would
do me no good and that it was only meant
to strip me from my indulgence.
but i did not consider thinking that
the person who infected me with such pain
has a heart.
that person, cares for me.
that person knows something that i dont.
that person wants to help me.
that person, is whom i consider a close friend.


i feel bad for abandoning her like that.
on the other hand, she might feel bad
too for making me feel this way.
on second thought, she might not even
know that she hacked my brain since
i left without a word.
whatever it may be, i will settle it as soon as
she returns.


i won't walk out until you know.


might blog again later.
for now.
i'ma, play a lil' game with Roy.
poor guy.


later peeps.

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